and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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