So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
