Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
