laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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