she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
