i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
