Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
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