a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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