You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Randomize
