i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
