lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
