He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
