the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Randomize
