I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
