Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
