i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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