I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
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