Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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