I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
