it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
