We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
