Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Randomize
