How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Never joke about your clitoris.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
