she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
We have so much sex to catch up on
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
