never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
