She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
