Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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