Life is so much better after having sex.
why do cheetos always look like penises
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize
