i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I look better un-naked...
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
We are two peas in an std pod
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Randomize
