It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
