What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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