if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
