i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
