And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
