I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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