hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I checked into jail on foursquare
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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