Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
