We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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