Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
