I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
