now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Randomize
