WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Randomize
