In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
