whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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