I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
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