Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Randomize
