Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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