My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I want you more than these girls want KFC
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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