i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
