Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
We need a shit load of segways right now
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
