At least make sure they are 18
Why
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
