Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Randomize
